When it comes to vehicle design, Homer Simpson might actually be a genius. With a secondary dome for children, five different horns, outdoor slushy holders, and an engine which will make others “think the world is ending,” the Homer car is the embodiment of the American dream. All from the mind of America’s favorite idiot.
Be the ball. This human bowling ball set includes an inflatable alley, pins, and, of course, the plastic cage in which you will roll to victory. The set does not include all the beer you and your friends will be drinking when you play this.
This toy blaster makes and launches softball-sized snowballs up to 50 feet, allowing rapid, long-range assaults during neighborhood snowball confrontations. Simply place snow in the forming chamber and close the lid; it packs three perfectly spherical snowballs. To blast your mark, place one snowball in the muzzle, aim the launcher, and pull back the slingshot mechanism—the distance a snowball travels depends on the force applied. Because the blaster is powered by elastomers instead of batteries, it provides uninterrupted, fast-action play. Made of durable, cold-resistant plastic. Includes targets for shooting practice.
That accident was the other guy’s fault. Use this Dual Lens Vehicle Blackbox to prove your innocence in the court of law. These things are incredibly popular in Russia. They are the reason there are so many videos of the Chelyabinsk meteor, and the reason there are so many amusing car accidents on youtube. This thing will pay for itself in out-of-court settlements.
Harken back to a less complicated time, a time when footwear was unnecessary and you could walk everywhere with that soft feeling of clean grass beneath your feet and between your toes. Now, even in that desolate concrete wasteland you call your city, you can close your eyes and believe that you’re standing in a green field with no shoes and no worries.
The hassle of walking has never before been so cutely subverted. The Boxx suitcase scooter will get you to the subway and back, with a maximum distance of 45 miles per charge and a maximum speed of 35 miles per hour.
I heard that James Cameron owns 8 of these. The personal submarine has a transparent, climate-controlled pressure sphere that will keep you safe up to 1,000 feet below the ocean’s surface while giving you a full view of your aquatic surroundings. Plus, it fits two people. Underwater necking, anyone?
They don’t call you a redneck for nothing. Nope. They call you a redneck because you have a belt buckle beer holder, the only belt buckle that folds out to hold your booze. They don’t call you awesome for nothing, either.
The great mysteries of the ocean are there for the taking! Avoid such dangers as drowning, shark attacks, douchebag surfers, mermaids, and getting wet. But explore! Explore to your heart’s content with this submersible camera, which is capable of streaming video and sending high-quality photos straight to your phone.
An updated version of Fred Flintsone’s classic pedacar, the touring quadracycle will get you and your family where they need to go at a blistering 10mph pace. The quadracycle is perfect for those outings where you have to do all the work while your kids incessantly ask whether they’re there yet. “If you ask me that one more time I’m going to pedal us into a tree!”
Yes, you can own your very own torpedo patrol boat. It’s perfect for family outings, fishing trips, sinking Japanese submarines, and acts of piracy in international waters. One of the twelve remaining PT boats in the world, she is armed with four temporarily deactivated (because you’re going to activate them once you buy this thing, right? I mean c’mon) .50 caliber Browning machine gun stations, a 20mm cannon, and four torpedo housings.
You’ll be called visionary. You’ll be called great man, nay, the greatest. You’ll be called a styleless rain astronaut. You won’t hear anyone call you any of these things because you’ll be surfing Reddit on your phone during a monsoon. And you’ll be completely dry.
